Kneeling
by CrazyKidDeath
Summary: Asuka tells a departed friend a tale about the events after Third Impact.


Disclaimer: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any of it's characters and I'm not making any profit from this.

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Kneeling

In a fenced off area that over looked a white beach and a red ocean, a young women knelt before a tombstone. Removing the dried remains of flowers, she brushed away the loose petals that fell before replacing them with a fresh bouquet next to the one already present. With a gentle hand she traced the inscribed words, fingers running lightly over each letter.

_Major Misato Katsuragi_

_December 8th, 1986_

_December 31st, 2015_

_Died Protecting Those She Loved,_

_She Will Be Dearly Missed_

With a sigh she rested her left hand against the stone, letting it support her.

_Like always_

The thought came uncalled and unwanted, despite its validity it only recalled a time that she was more then a little ashamed off.

"Here we are again" Asuka breathed softly "Things are better now"

She brushed the lettering again, this time with her right hand. From between the middle finger and ring finger ran a scar, travelling the length of the arm it finally disappeared under the t shirt the red head wore. The fingers trembled.

"Its been a rough year..."

Asuka's gaze drifted to her left, to a brown haired boy no older then herself kneeling before a similar stone.

"...for us both"

* * *

The quiet lapping of water washing against sand was the only sound, over head a streak of crimson bisected the sky. Two figures, one wearing red and another in a school uniform sat staring out across the waves. The uniformed one, a boy, slumped in a posture of defeat and despair. Head down, eyes hidden from the world. To his left was the one in red, a girl. She seemed poised for flight, casting nervous glances at the boy. Bandages wrapped her right arm and covered her left eye, red marks encircled her throat. Despite her air of alertness she seemed very weak. It had been sometime since either had spoken, with a sigh the boy lifted his head a little.

"Don't..." The word came out in a painful rasp "Just...don't, not yet..." Asuka said "just don't say anything"

Shinji's head dropped back again.

Red. As far as she could see a red ocean stretched, on either side lay white sand. If not for the colours it could almost be natural.

_Almost_

If not for the enormous object that lay in the centre of the ocean, half the features of the First Child twisted in a mocking parody of a smile.

_Rei Ayanami_

_The First Child_

_Wonder Girl_

_Bitch!_

The wind was blowing and the cold was quickly beginning to make its self know though her plugsuit, she wrapped her arms around her knees, hugging herself. She ignored the pain that flared up at the movement, the burning sensation that raced up her arm. Pain was something Asuka had become well acquainted with.

'We need to move, staying on this beach isn't going to do us much good'

She glanced at the Third Child and bit her lip.

'And I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to make it on my own'

It was galling to admit, weakness was something she had never been comfortable acknowledging to herself. Another thing Asuka didn't want to admit was the fear that Shinji now inspired in her, recent actions as well as some of what she had learned during Instrumentality had taken root and wouldn't let go.

_Shinji, how could you?_

The very thought made her angry, with a growl she pushed herself upright, managing awkwardly with one arm and hiding the pain behind a mask of determination.

"Alright Third, we're leaving"

The boy didn't reply but got to his feet, he still didn't look up, refusing to meet her eye. Asuka waited a few seconds before impatience won out.

"Well?" she demanded, Shinji almost looked up but seemed afraid to even look at her. He remained silent.

'He's ashamed, as well he should be... but this isn't getting us anywhere'

Stifling the burst of unease she felt, Asuka snapped out in a arrogant voice, sounding almost like her old self.

"Aren't you going to help me? I am injured you know"

Shinji was still unwilling to meet her gaze but he moved quickly to aid her, pulling her good arm over his shoulder and placing a supporting arm around her waist.

"Good! And make sure you don't grab anything else, got it?"

She clenched her left fist threateningly.

"I know" he replied quietly.

It was a small slip but one she could work on.

_Maybe we can get back to normal soon..._

* * *

"Of course things didn't go so easily" Asuka explained "we found a mostly intact building and stayed there but we hardly spoke to each other" A tired smile appeared, directed at the boy's back "I did manage to get past some of my nervousness about Shinji touching me. I didn't have much of a choice, he was the only one around and I couldn't change my bandages myself"

The smile faded as some of the memory's returned.

"It was strange and uncomfortable but the real trouble didn't start until a few weeks later when the UN found us"

* * *

She scowled at the Agent sitting across the table from her, a youngish Asian looking man. He was wearing a suit similar to what Section 2 used to wear along with tinted glasses that obscured his eyes, He hadn't offered his name.

"I already told you, I don't know anything about this Instrumentality Project" she snapped, this wasn't the first time this man had tried to interrogate her nor was it the first time that he 'd asked that question but no matter how many times she had deigned any knowledge the man just kept asking. The UN inspectors weren't willing to believe that the Eva pilots knew nothing about Instrumentality, especially when one of those pilots happened to be the son of the Commander of Nerv.

"Why ask me if your not going to believe me anyway?"

It wasn't the first time she'd asked that question either, Asuka smothered the yawn before it could manifest. She rubbed at the tightening band of pain that was squeezing her temples, this was the fifth day of questioning and they'd been waking her up at all hours trying to shake some information loose. Sleep deprivation, a subtle type of torture.

'They can keep doing this for the next ten years and they wont make anything slip, there isn't any information for them to force out'

Worse still was the fact that they wouldn't let her see Shinji, Asuka had to admit she was worried about him. They may not be on the best of terms but currently he was the only one she was close to. The only people she had seen since arriving here was the black hair Agent in front of her and the guard that came to fetch her from her cell.

"Why don't you tell me how Nerv was intending to use Eva to implement Instrumentality?" The Agent asked calmly.

"I don't know!" Asuka shouted at the man, all her energy seemed to desert her. She sagged back into the chair.

"I want to see Shinji" she growled, her tone didn't affect the Agent, it never did.

"Maybe after you answer my questions" he replied blandly, she was just about to reiterate her _request _only with additional volume when a second Agent entered the room. The same dark glasses covered his eyes, framed by a middle aged face. He lent down to whisper in the first Agents ear. Surprise and then disbelieve flash across the man's normally impassive features, he opens his mouth to protest but the new Agent simply cut across him.

"Miss Sohryu, if you could follow me please" he asked politely, gesturing to the door

"Where are you taking me?" she was feeling no small amount of apprehension, the Agents remained silent.

'Maybe their tired of asking me questions and getting no answers...'

Standing, with no hint of the turmoil inside, she followed the Agent out the door.

"Let me introduce myself, my name is Murakami Yuichi" the man said with a brief professional smile. We continued down a bland featureless corridor, a corridor similar to the one leading back to the cell they'd been keeping her in but this one lead away in the opposite direction.

'I'll be damned if I'm going to show this guy I'm afraid' Asuka thought to herself, calmly she asked the Agent "What's going to happen now?"

"You are to be set free" Agent Yuichi replied casually, she felt shock and relief flow though her in alternative waves.

"Freed?"

Its wasn't until after she spoke that Asuka realised that she'd come to a halt, stopping in the middle of the corridor. Apprehension and anticipation warred inside, it was so sudden she didn't want to get her hopes up.

_First things first..._

"Why? And what about Shinji?"

When his charge stopped so had the Agent, he waited at ease, while the girl collected herself.

"You have been... absolved of guilt" he answered carefully "A person of greater rank has returned and has confirmed your lack of knowledge of actions and event leading up to Instrumentality and the present state. As for Mister Ikari, he has also been freed, that is we are currently heading"

That was enough to encourage Asuka to start moving again but she couldn't help wondering who was the person that had cleared her and Shinji's names.

"Who was the one that returned?"she asked curiously.

"Kozo Fuyutsuki"

* * *

"Commander Fuyutsuki, can you imagine my surprise? The old man got us off the hook"

Her voice and face were both wry and a smile tugged at her lips but it still wasn't a very pleasant expression.

"I never really let it show but I never liked Fuyutsuki, he was always Commander Ikari's shadow, barely leaving his side. Unless of course Ikari crooked a finger and sent him off to do something, controlling him like a puppet. Well you know how much I hate that kind of thing"

Asuka's expression darkened and the smile was gone like it was never there.

"The screwy thing was that he ended up saving us, I'm not stupid, it was pretty obvious after I had time to think about it that the UN were setting us up to be their scapegoats and take the blame. He prevented that and put himself on the chopping block instead, they executed him a few months back after they tried him for 'Crimes Against Humanity' or something like that. The public demanded it"

She felt the familiar feeling of self loathing well up, she gripped her wrist tightly, fingering the ridged scar tissue beneath he grip.

"Funny how all the people I hate, all the people I hold in contempt seem to end up saving me..."

_Ayanami_

"Don't you think so Misato?"

* * *

And there he was, Shinji Ikari. He was looking at the Agent across from him and Asuka couldn't help noticing how tired he looked and the weight he had lost. He turned and their eyes met and Asuka could feel her knees go weak with relief.

'Thank goodness he's alright'

With a yell she ran for him, throwing her arms around him. She squeezed hard just to feel him, just to make sure he was really there and not just a dream.

"Asuka..."

One word but with a world of concern backing it up, it was then that she noticed her cheeks were wet.

"You idiot, getting me worried, making a girl cry. You should be ashamed of yourself"

The words were harsh but not the tone, Shinji just smiled a little and hugged her a bit tighter, he clearly didn't have a clue how to comfort someone but it didn't matter.

_At least he's trying..._

* * *

"After that things calmed down a little, we ended up going back to school only this time in Tokyo 2. Tokyo 3 held too many bad memory's for both of us. They tried to get us to accept another guardian but we refused, we didn't wont someone trying to replace you. They didn't understand but after a carefully word argument pointing out that we had spent the last year fighting for our lives against Angels, then our own government, we were pretty much as mature as we were going to get" Asuka directed a grin at Shinji's back

"After all, its not like we can't maintain an apartment ourselves is it Misato?"

She patted the stone affectionately

"They weren't happy about it but there wasn't really anything they could do about it, they were probably worried about us telling the public about the interrogation methods they used on us. We received an apartment and money to live off, apart from sending someone to check on us once a week they pretty much leave us alone"

* * *

Asuka walked into the apartments living room, they hadn't long moved in and it was pretty sparsely furnished but already she felt comfortable there.

"Shinji...?"

Spotting him out on the balcony she went over to join him. The sky was clear and the stars were shining, under this lighting the view of the city was almost picturesque. Shinji was relaxing on one of the two deck chairs that occupied balcony, a soda can in hand and more within easy reach from the cooler that sat to his right. A frown creased his forehead and an air of guilt surrounded him, for him signs of thoughts neither happy nor pleasant. Taking the vacant chair to his left she gestured at the cooler.

"Pass me one"

Shinji obliged, hooking a can out of the cooler, cracking it open one handed then handing it over. For awhile they both watched the city and the stars in silence.

"So what's up?" Asuka asked, glancing over at the boy. Shinji took a drink before answering.

"Just thinking I guess"

Asuka waited for him to say more but it quickly became obvious that he wasn't going to continue unprompted.

"Penny for you thoughts?" she inquired cheerfully, Asuka was worried but didn't want to show it in front of Shinji. The look he gave her show that she had failed but he answered anyway.

"I was thinking about the past... about, everything i guess. How things might of turned out differently, Third Impact never happening, if I had done things differently"

The air of guilt around Shinji had intensified, she couldn't bear the expression on his face choosing instead to stare at the can between her fingers. The can shook slightly in her weakened grasp, the scar that followed the length of her arm seemed to glow in the moon light.

'How can I judge him? I came away with my own share of scars both mental and physical, I'm no better then he is' Asuka glanced back at him, he still looked crushed, she forced a chuckle.

"The way I see it, if things had of ended differently I wouldn't be here now to discuss it with you" she said firmly.

Shinji looked horrified, he spoke quickly almost in a panic.

"Wait! That's not what I meant..."

Asuka quell the urge to slap herself across the forehead.

_He thinks I..._

"Look Third, hindsight is always 20/20, there's always something people could of done different, things that they regret but there's nothing we can do about it, you got me?"

Shinji smiled, weakly but a big improvement on previously.

"Misato said something like that too"

Asuka gave a firm nod.

"I guess for once she knew what she was talking about"

* * *

"That idiot, he still worries about the past and what he did wrong only now he's got me to give him a kick in the ass if he starts to mope" Asuka grinned and held up a fist for emphasis

"We've both got a lot of painful memory's but I'm not going to let Shinji follow my path, that only leads to even more pain"

Asuka thumbs the raised scar on her wrist and in her mind she goes over the biggest mistake she had ever made.

"He's getting better now, we both are. We've become closer and we support each other, everything seems easier to bear when you've got someone sharing it with you. That should make you happy, you always did want us to get together"

Movement caught her eye, Shinji was on his feet and was brushing himself off.

"I guess this is good bye then Misato, we'll visit again soon"

Shinji approached and stood beside her.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked quietly.

Asuka gave a nod and side by side they head back for the bus.

"How are you feeling?" she asked him, he looked... tired. It didn't really surprise her.

"I'm alright, I just... miss them I guess"

He sounded sad and alone, she moved closer and slipped her hand into his. Entwining fingers she gave him a comforting squeeze, only time would heal the sadness but the other she could do something about.

__

You are not alone

Shinji squeezed back.

* * *

Authors Note's

Well its been awhile now, hasn't it? Hope you enjoyed it, this is my second story I've posted and it's been a long time-a-coming. This story came about after I had a dream about Asuka kneeling at a grave and sort of ballooned from there, I ended up that day scribbling away on my breaks at work trying to get the first draft done. So anyhow, advise or criticism is always welcome and will help me become a better writer.

Authors Note's 2

After reading throught again I made a couple of revisions, I can't believe how many spelling mistakes and other typo's I made.


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